Ger-ald and the Cousland
by nivlac
Summary: Ger-ald, the dragonborn of the fourth era, has done it all. He was bored, insane, demented, and wanting something to do. When he finds a way to go to another world, he takes that chance. Thedas, a world that held some similarities to Tamriel, but was otherwise completely different. New people, new land, new adventures. Finally. "Whats that about an Archdemon threatening the world?"
1. New Dawn

**Hello people of the World Wide Web! This is the rewrite of the first chapter of Ger-ald and the Cousland! If you're a long time reader of this fic, then you already know what's in store for future chapters, but I have altered a few scenes so it's fresh for you, as you'll soon see… (Muahahahaha!) If you are new to this fic, be warned, Ger-ald is NOT some goody two shoes dragon born, he will do whatever his demented mind wants, which involves murder, face smashing, and probably cannibalism (probably). And no, the slash in the name isn't an error, you'll see why in the future. Also, I just came off of watching shows like Berserk, and Game of Thrones, so don't expect everyone in this adventure to survive. ON WITH THE FIC.**

"_No, I don't want to become one of you. Leave me out of this."_

"_I don't take no for an answer!"_

"_Father no! leave him be!" _

Boredom.

That was all he had left besides roasting the occasional feral, or slaughtering all the local wildlife. That local wildlife mostly being comprised of small, helpless bunny rabbits. Oh how he missed the olden days when bandits were dumb enough to attack him, where the local wolf population wasn't so low, when dragons attacked him every other day, and most of all, he missed adventuring.

Ger-ald has done it all. Everything to do in Skyrim was done. Ger-ald cleared every dungeon, learned every word of power, found all of those damn dragon masks, and killed what he liked to call, the big three.

"Miraak, Harkon, and Alduin." Ger-ald mused from his throne.

By Talos, Volkihar has only gotten bloodier with him ruling over it. The walls and floor were painted with blood. He may drink the stuff, but that doesn't mean he liked it as paint.

"Sir? You're doing it again." Vingalmo stated from his seat.

"I'll do it for as long as I damn well please. Do you have anything for me today?" Ger-ald asked the high elf.

"Well, there is the feral that tried to steal our thralls yesterday, I assume that you want to paint the walls with his blood?" Vingalmo said, wiping some blood off of his lips.

"Why not? I have nothing better to do besides sit here and think about my bunny slaughtering days." Ger-ald said.

"You still slaughter them sir, and you steal their souls at that." Vingalmo said.

"Just bring in the damn feral so we can get this over with." Ger-ald said.

"Okay then, and sir, please refrain from breaking any furniture, we are getting tired of having to go out and get more." Vingalmo said.

"Oh, I'm sorry Vingalmo, I thought this was MY castle. I will break whatever I please, and if you keep giving me lip, you'll be next!" Ger-ald threatened.

"Lady Serana would be very displeased at this sir." Vingalmo said, his bright eyes widening.

"You think that Serry would give a damn what I do to any of you? I'm surprised she hasn't killed you all herself!" Ger-ald said, laughing.

…

…

…

"So, you're the little turd that tried to rob me of my blood fountains." Ger-ald said, glaring at the lowly vampire.

Truly a feral, this vampire looked savage, he wore brown ragged robes, and he appeared to once be a nord before his transformation.

"Please forgive me… had I known that YOU were the one ruling this castle, I wouldn't have even had the thought of trying to steal your thralls. How was I supposed to know that this was the castle of the Dragonborn?" The feral said.

"The question, you little stain, is how did you NOT know who ruled this castle? Really, I feel even more insulted now." Ger-ald said, rising from his throne.

The feral nearly jumped back in fear. Ger-ald slowly made his way towards the feral, said vampire straining against his bonds. Ger-ald pulled out his sword and approached him. The vampire was quaking with fear, and eventually backed up into a wall. The dragonborn put his sword up to his bonds and cut the rope. The feral looked shocked.

"Does this mean you'll let me go?" The feral asked.

"I'm afraid not, Lord Gerald likes it when his victims struggle." Vingalmo said.

"What!?" The feral yelled.

Ger-ald then sheathed his sword. He grinned madly under his Daedric helmet. He raised his fist, and brought it down upon the vampire's face, knocking him down to the ground. Was this it? Was this all the feral had to offer?

"Get up and fight me!" Ger-ald yelled.

"Don't kill me please!" The feral pleaded.

What a disappointment.

Ger-ald then picked up the feral by the throat and carried him over to one of the tables.

"Look at this Vingalmo!" Ger-ald yelled, slamming the feral down in the middle of the table.

Splinters of wood flew everywhere, and the feral lay there, not quite dead yet. Ger-ald raised his armored boot over the feral's chest, and stomped down hard, cracking a few of its ribs.

"Still not dead yet huh?" Ger-ald asked, leaning more of his weight on his victim.

The feral screams echoed throughout the mostly empty halls of Volkihar. Ger-ald then removed his foot from the feral's chest.

"Get up, and kneel." Ger-ald said.

The feral did nothing but lay there, breathing in as much air as he could muster.

"Fine then, I'll help you." Ger-ald said grabbing him by the throat.

He put him into a kneeling position, and put each hand on each of the feral's cheeks.

"Your skin is so smooth for a vampire… you're one of the lucky ones, you retained your mortal features; same as me. And your eyes… So shiny for a feral." Ger-ald said, putting a thumb over each of the lesser vampire's eyes.

"No… Please don't." The feral said.

"Sorry, but I have to make an example for all the other dumb vampires looking to steal my food." Ger-ald said.

Ger-ald then stabbed his thumbs into the vampire's eyes. The screams were horrific enough for the other clan members of Volkihar to awaken and see what all the fuss was about. When they came to the throne room, they saw Ger-ald gouging out the eyes of that vampire.

Ger-ald then twisted the feral's head to the left until he heard a satisfying _crack_. He removed his thumbs from the lesser vampire's skull, and wiped them off on its dead body. Ger-ald let out a sigh, it just wasn't the same as killing an enemy that was a challenge.

Ger-ald walked away from the corpse, and sat down in his throne. The other vampires were all gawking at him, and he didn't like it.

"If you want to be next, keep staring!" Ger-ald yelled.

The vampires then scurried off to their coffins, save for Vingalmo.

"Why don't you be a good hell spawn and clean up that mess over there?" Ger-ald said.

Vingalmo said nothing, he went over to the corpse, and burnt the body to ashes. Ger-ald didn't hide his disdain for his fellow vampires, he despised them as much as he despised frostbite spiders. That was saying something. Dirty little bastards…

Ger-ald was done with Tamriel, and Nirn as a whole. He knew of a way he could leave, but he had to make sure that there wasn't anything else that he needed to do in this world. Dragons were still out and about, but most of them avoid the settlements, and barely any of them ever attack him anymore. The last dragon attack that he could remember was half a year ago, and it was a disappointing fight.

It was a frost breathing dragon, and being half nord, it barely affected him. It was damn cold though.

The other half was Vingalmos race, the high elves. Honestly, he hated both of these races equally, and found great joy in slaughtering the Thalmor by the bakers dozen.

Ger-ald made up his mind. He was leaving Nirn, but he had a few things to prepare for first. What was it… ah, a will and testament. Ger-ald left the throne room and entered his personal chambers, the gray stone floor now bore blood red footprints, and his personal coffin looked… less than pristine. He walked over to a small round table, and pulled his feather pen out of the inkwell. Ger-ald pulled up a chair, and got himself a few sheets of paper.

This was going to be a LONG will and testament.

…

…

…

_Well, my dearest friends and not so dearest friends, this is my will and testament, and you may be asking yourselves 'Oh where has our precious Gerald gone?' Well, I left, and I will never return to Tamriel. Don't even bother sending someone to look for me, even that blasted courier wouldn't be able to find me where I am going. This will and testament will not only decree as to where my remaining personal belongings will go, but is also a final angry rant against everyone that I hate. Well, let us start things off._

_Nazeem, I just want to say, that you are a pompous ass. The only reason why I haven't killed you, is because I feel sorry for you. The reason you insulted me every day while I was in Whiterun was because you were jealous. I was everything you couldn't be, strong, noble, courageous, and devilishly handsome. Not only that, but you must have noticed that I DO in fact get to the cloud district often, probably more than you do, and I have more gold and jewels than you will ever have in your lifetime. Hate-Gerald._

_Radiant Raiment girls, you know nothing of class. That is all._

_To Aela the huntress, I leave Auriel's bow. I know what you're thinking. 'There is no way this is THE Auriel's bow! That's impossible!' Well, it is, shoot some of the arrows that come with it into the sun, crazy stuff will happen, that's for sure._

_Farkas, you get the epic Daedric Warhammer Volendrung! No words are necessary, for as soon as you see it, you will no doubt build a shrine to me, I guess I can accept your worship._

_Vilkas… I honestly have no idea what to give you. I guess I can spare a copy of the lusty Argonian maid, I'm sure you're into that kind of thing._

_Lydia gets Breeze home in Whiterun, tell her to ignore the demonic voice in the bedroom, I always did._

_Winterhold gets all of my gold. Hopefully the jarl will spend it on something important… like fixing the bridge, or building more houses._

_The college of Winterhold gets all of my dragon masks, I'm pretty sure the reason for that is self-explanatory._

_To every single guard in Skyrim, I have a theory as to why you all keep taking arrows in the knee. I've decided that this could be no coincidence. Think about it guards, who would want to end your adventuring career? The doctors that heal you! They hire someone to cripple you, and then you pay them to fix you up! Don't you see? Also, accidently killing a chicken while fighting a dragon shouldn't warrant for my arrest, but then again, you people are pretty stupid. P.S Please forgive me for that killing spree that I went on._

_To Jarl Balgruff, I have some advice, beat your children. Daily. P.S except for the one that keeps saying that he practices with his fists. Just the other two._

_Jarl Idgrod, you're old._

_Jarl Sidgeir, you're annoying._

_To the Thalmor, if I ever come back to Tamriel, I will topple your little dominion. Out of a lot of these losers, I hold a special hatred in my heart for you. Although you probably know that, seeing as I sent you Elenwens decapitated head on a food platter. Along with all of the other severed Thalmor heads that I specially gift wrapped for you._

_Braith, shut up._

_Gray manes and battle borns, you are all jerk bags, xept' Jon and Eourland._

_Speaking of Eourland, I actually learned how to forge weapons and armor with dragon bone! Not that I use it or anything. I prefer Daedric gear really. I'll have someone send you the details of the forging process._

_To the blades, I will NEVER kill Parthurnax, so stop asking me to kill him._

_To every orc chief, you got the shit kicked out of you by a half elf, think on that. Also, that hundred septims I won every time really helped in the long run, so thanks!_

_To the dark brotherhood, I have more advice, remember, murder time, fun time._

_To the future high king or queen, I think you're both stupid. On one side, there is a power hungry racist, and on the other, an oppressed empire without the freedom of religion. My hands were tied, and I honestly didn't want anything to do with either side. The Thalmor love this war, just so you know, makes them have more power over Skyrim, while you guys are killing each other. Idiots._

The writing continued like that for hours, he truly had a LOT to get off of his chest. Kind of like the boot on that feral's chest, that thing no doubt wanted Ger-ald to stop crushing his ribs, but he didn't care.

He needed to leave Nirn tonight, he couldn't stand it anymore. He still had one thing he had left to do before he left. Ger-ald stood up from his chair, and stretched his hands upwards, letting out a yawn.

"Well, you sound tired." He heard a familiar voice say.

"Oh dear, look, it's one of the only people in this frozen wasteland that I actually respect, hello Serry." Ger-ald said.

"Would you stop calling me that?" Serana said.

"Well, after careful consideration, no. Not now, not ever, get used to it." Ger-ald stated.

"I heard you brutalized another vampire today. That you gouged his eyes out then snapped his neck. Why the brutality?" Serana asked.

"Because I didn't like his face of course." Ger-ald said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Whatever, I came in here to say goodnight." Serana said.

"I was actually on my way to see you." Ger-ald said.

Serana looked flustered for a second, but gained her bearings.

"For what?" Serana asked.

"To say goodbye, I'm leaving Nirn behind." Serana said.

Serana giggled.

"You're funny." She said.

"It's not a joke, I have a way out."

Serana's smile faded from her lips.

"If you're serious about this, how long will you be gone?" She asked.

"Well, forever."

The next thing Ger-ald knew, he was sidestepping a long ice spike that then embedded itself against the wall behind him.

"Forever!? And you thought that you wouldn't bring me along for the trip!? I'll kill you!" Serana yelled.

"Calm down and listen. If we left together, you would never come back, you would never see Valerica again, or any of your other friends." Ger-ald said.

"My mother… will be fine, and I don't have any other friends." Serana said.

"What about the people that we've met when we were adventuring together?" Ger-ald said.

"Those are your friends, not mine. And I will not stay in this castle with these animals, they'd want to fulfill that stupid prophecy!" Serana yelled.

"There will be danger, I haven't been to this place before, and I don't know what this new land is even called! You could die." Ger-ald said.

"YOU could die, and if you die, I die with you." Serana said.

Damn royals, they always seemed to get what they wanted by just yelling enough. Ger-ald supposed that it wouldn't be too bad to take her along for the ride.

"Fine. Go pack your things, and only bring the essentials! Like… I don't know, girl things." Ger-ald said.

Serana's eyes lit up.

"I'll be back in an hour!" Serana declared.

"Just meet me next to the portal that leads to the soul cairn, go the long way, and don't come into the main hall." Ger-ald said.

Serana raised an eyebrow.

"There is something I have to do before I go, now run along now."

…

…

…

"Okay sir, I've gathered everyone in castle Volkihar, now, what is it that you want from us?" Vingalmo asked.

"Yeah, what's so important?" Fura asked.

"Well my bat faced friends, the reason I called you all here, is because I am about to kill every single one of you." Ger-ald declared, flashing a toothy grin under his helmet.

"This has got to be some sort of twisted joke right?" Feran asked, the dark elf quaking in fear.

"Of course it's a joke, why would he kill us?" Hestla asked.

"Because I'm leaving Nirn forever, and you all annoy me." Ger-ald said, drawing both of his swords. "So come on, make me work for it!"

Fura bloodmouth charged up to him first, only to be met with a…

"**YOL TOOR SHUL!" **Sending a giant wall of flame at her.

Fura was engulfed in the flame, and was sent flying backwards as a sizzling corpse. Ronthil, the wood elf, drew his bow, and fired, the arrow bouncing harmlessly off of Ger-alds armor. He charged through the crowd of vampires, and drove both of his swords through Ronthils gut. The wood elf coughed blood on top of his helmet, and he withdrew the swords.

Ronthil crumpled to the ground. He threw one of his swords at Hestla, the sword impaled the vampire's throat, and she fell backwards on the floor. That's three down. Ger-ald looked too the thrall master, and used his telekinesis to lift him into the air. The other vampires were charging his position, and one of them swung their axe at his skull.

Silly Salonia that was what helmets were for! The axe bounced off of his helmet, and Ger-ald brought both of his hands together. The thrall masters bones all cracked, and Ger-ald let him fall to the floor in a heap.

Vingalmo kept his distance, firing bolts of lightning at him in the hopes of draining his magicka. Little did he know, Ger-ald didn't need magicka to kill his foes. He cut down Feran and Garan with ease, stabbing Feran in the gut, and Garan in the throat. They both made the same funny sound when they fell down, it was like 'Gah.' It was hilarious!

The other vampires in the court all crowded the entrance to escape the castle, only to realize that the gate was sealed shut. Ger-ald ran up the steps, sheathes his swords, and summoned up the fire ball spell.

"Have any of you ever been burnt before? If not, then I guess this is your first time, but trust me… I'm not going to be gentle." Ger-ald said.

He threw one massive fireball at the small crowd of vampires, setting them all ablaze. The screaming sounds that they made would have horrified anyone else, but to Ger-ald, it sounded like music. A symphony of yelps and pleading, beautiful.

Suddenly, Ger-ald felt a large wave of cold wash over him. Frost spell. He turned around, and saw that Vingalmo was the only one left alive. This was going to be fun.

"Looks like it's just you and me Vingalmo! I have a question, have you ever been strangled by your own intestines?" Ger-ald asked with a sadistic smile on his face.

"I've been wanting to slit your throat since the day we met you savage!" Vingalmo yelled.

"Is that why you're shaking Vin? Because you're so glad that you finally get this chance? No, I think you are scared of me, and you know that this is where you're going to die." Ger-ald said.

"I won't be the one who dies here!" Vingalmo stated.

"Oh, you think so?" Ger-ald asked.

Vingalmo raised both of his hands, and to correspond, two large orbs of purple appeared on both sides of him. When the orbs faded, two large gargoyles stood in their place. Oh boy, this was going to be interesting!

Gargoyles were pretty dumb. Usually anyhow, but he had a retort to Vingalmos gargoyles. Ger-ald summoned two frost atronachs. He decided that he was going to sit back and enjoy the show, and after this show was done, he would murder Vingalmo.

The frost atronachs went down both sides of the stairway to meet the gargoyles. The first pair on the left clashed, the gargoyle slashing at the atronachs with its sharp claws. That wasn't very effective, considering that gargoyles claws are meant for rending flesh, not solid ice. That didn't mean that the gargoyle wasn't hurting it, but the atronach barely even noticed it. The first atronach drew back its arm, and drove it through the gargoyles midsection, impaling it.

That gargoyle disappeared, and the other one soon followed when the second atronach drove its left arm through its skull. After the gargoyles were gone, he dispelled his frost atronachs, and ran at Vingalmo.

Said high elf charged up a lightning spell and cast it at Ger-ald, catching him in the chest. Ger-ald was knocked back a little ways by the force, his feet scraping against the stone floor.

"**FEIM!" **Ger-ald yelled, becoming ethereal.

Ger-ald charged after Vingalmo again, said vampire firing off more spells at his direction. All of Vingalmos attacks passed right through him however, and Ger-ald drew his sword. He had to time this right. When Vingalmo finally realized that his attacks were having no effect on Ger-ald, he began to back up, but Ger-ald had already gotten to him. Ger-ald slashed at Vingalmos stomach just as he regained his physical form.

Vingalmo screamed in pain, and grabbed at his gut. Ger-ald sheathed his sword, and head-butted Vingalmo to the ground.

"Oh was that your nose? That was your nose." Ger-ald said.

Ger-ald then kicked Vingalmo in the chest, knocking him flat on his back.

"Please… don't." Vingalmo said.

"Too late, already made up my mind, time to die Vin." Ger-ald said.

Ger-ald reached down, and pulled Vingalmos hands away from his cut open stomach.

"Remember what I said about strangling you with your own intestines?" Ger-ald asked.

"No!" Vingalmo yelled.

"You don't remember? I sure do, do you know what else I remembered? That one child that you brought into court and murdered in front of everyone. I still don't know why you did it Vin, at the time, I thought that it was because you wanted to show the other vampires that you didn't have a conscience. I was thinking about killing you right then and there, but I decided to bide my time. Until I would leave, for you were still at least somewhat useful to me. You did know about how much I hated you monsters right? Well, it takes a monster, to kill an even worse monster. You know who that monster is Vin? It's me. I'm your monster." Ger-ald said.

…

…

…

"Gerald? Why are you covered with blood?" Serana asked.

"The question is Serry, why aren't YOU covered in blood?" Ger-ald asked.

"Because I haven't killed anything. What did you do?" Serana asked.

"Well, let's just say that I… cleaned house." Ger-ald said.

"Well, I can take a guess." Serana said.

"Guess later, portal time now." Ger-ald stated.

"Fine. So what is this plan of yours? How are you going to leave Nirn, and what does the soul cairn have to do with it?" Serana asked.

"Simple, I met an Ideal master, and we made a deal." Ger-ald said.

A long moment of silence passed.

"You're an idiot." Serana said.

"No, I have a plan to trick this ideal master into letting me go without a scratch." Ger-ald said, walking down the stairs that lead to the portal with Serana.

"You know how many would-be necromancers thought that they could trick the Ideal masters? Hundreds, maybe even thousands, and they all failed." Serana said.

"Well, I'm not going to fail, this plan is fool-proof." Ger-ald said.

"Yet it's a plan orchestrated by a fool." Serana chuckled.

"Hey! I don't appreciate that!" Ger-ald yelled.

"You don't have to appreciate it, let's just turn around, before you get yourself killed." Serana said.

Ger-ald crossed his arms.

"No."

"What? Are you a child now?" Serana asked.

"Shut up! Just listen, I'm going to give the Ideal master a dragon soul. Now listen, it's not MY soul, it's the soul of a dragon I killed a few months ago, but the Ideal master does think that it is my soul. Little does he know that it's actually the soul of some lesser Dovah. Before you ask any questions, know that the Ideal master came to me with the offer." Ger-ald said.

"Why?" Serana asked.

"I said before you ask any questions, don't you listen?" Ger-ald asked.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I care." Serana said.

"You wound me; anyway, the Ideal master wants a dragon soul, but he could never claim Durnirviirs soul because a dragon's soul can only be offered with consent. Unless they're killed by another dragon, or dragonborn. I'm going to offer the soul of a stupid frost dragon to them, and they'll think it's mine. Sounds like a good plan right?" Ger-ald asked.

"It sounds like a pretty dumb plan Gerald. Couldn't you just find another way? This seems risky, and how do you know that he can even do it?" Serana asked.

"Well… because he told me so?" Ger-ald said.

Serana face-palmed.

"You're going to get yourself killed."

"Well, I guess we'll see." Ger-ald said.

When they finally reached the bottom of those dark stairs, Ger-ald looked off into the distance of the soul cairn. Still dark, grey, and boring. They walked a little ways up the dirt path until they came to their destination, a stone archway. Where was the ideal master? He said to show up here when he felt like leaving.

"Oh Gerry boy, it's good to see ya!" He heard an accented voice say.

A very familiar, very annoying voice. Ger-ald turned around to see a man wearing a suit with two different colors, red and purple. The man's eyes were pure white, as was his hair, and he radiated madness.

"What are you doing here!? Get lost!" Ger-ald yelled.

"Oh, you hurt my feelings boyo! I thought I was your favorite Daedric prince." Sheogorath said.

"Yeah, but that isn't saying much, what are you doing here? How did you know I was going to be here?" Ger-ald asked.

"Well, you know that Ideal master you talked to? Well look at this!" Sheogorath yelled, before being engulfed in an orb of purple light.

After the orb faded, Sheogorath was gone, and was replaced by a shorter, pudgier man with spiky green hair and yellow eyes.

"I am that Ideal master! Even though I'm not one!" Sheogorath said, changing back to his original form.

"You're telling me that three months of planning just went down the crapper!?" Ger-ald yelled.

This was ridiculous! After all that, he wouldn't be able to leave this shithole of a continent!

"Well boy, I can take you somewhere else. But I don't want a dragon soul, those smell weird. I want you to complete a challenge for me." Sheogorath said, holding out his hand.

Soon, a sandwich appeared in his hand, and what was between the bread slices… was the heart of a daedra. Something told Ger-ald that this wasn't going to end well.

"Eat this sandwich!" Sheogorath yelled.

Wouldn't that mean that he would have too...?

"But I would have to take off my helmet!" Ger-ald yelled.

"Not at all, because you're going to eat this sandwich without your mouth!" The mad god yelled.

"But… Lord Sheogorath, that's impossible." Serana said.

"I know that my favorite insane homicidal maniac can find a way, so boy, figure it out." Sheogorath said.

"I… honestly have no idea. What's the point of this anyhow? You want me to eat a daedra heart sandwich without my mouth? How do I even do that? What, do you think I can just…" Ger-ald started.

Sheogorath then snapped his fingers, and the sandwich disappeared. The next thing Ger-ald knew, he felt a strange feeling in his gut, as if something had…

"Did you just put that whole sandwich in me!?" Ger-ald asked, enraged.

"Why yes I did, anyone with half a mind could figure that out. Oh! That's funny, half a mind! Looking at you Gerald!" Sheogorath yelled, laughing.

Ger-ald let his shoulders sag.

"Gerald, what's he talking about?" Serana asked.

"Who knows? He is the god of madness after all. So, can you take us to where we want to go?" Ger-ald lied.

"Yes, fine, whatever, I guess even though you didn't accomplish it by yourself, you still ate it! Now, be warned, you could end up in a world that's entirely made up of sandwiches that want to eat you! Now get lost, we'll talk again soon boyo!" Sheogorath said.

Ger-ald didn't think that the soul cairn could get any more black and purple, but it did. He was enveloped in a dark purple light, and he left Tamriel, and Nirn.

Forever.

"_Now you see that this is a gift. Use it well."_

"_I… will."_

"_Yes Ald, yes you will."_

**If you're curious as to how Ger-alds voice sounds like, use Alucard from hellsing abridged as an example. Toodles! And tell me what you thought of the rewritten first chapter, also, what do you think of Ger-ald?**


	2. Murder time, Fun time

"_Why hello there! Didn't think I would be meeting anyone in Pelagius's screwed up head, much less a child of the night!"_

"_I have no Idea why I'm here, I was walking through a hallway, and the next thing I know, I'm here wearing these stupid clothes!"_

"_Oh, you're nuttier than an acorn! I can tell! Let me guess, different personalities right? Those are always fun."_

Ger-ald felt as if he were floating through an ocean of viscous liquid, it threatened to drown him, but he would not allow it. He couldn't see anything either, the blackness of this place was almost horrifying. Where was Serana? Did Sheogorath bring her with Ger-ald? Or did he leave her behind? Ger-ald felt a sudden jerk, then he was able to see again, and he didn't have that floating feeling anymore.

He was struck in the chest with a sword immediately after he appeared. Some things never change. The man who struck him looked terrified, his short beard, messy long hair, and pale complexion would normally lead to him assuming that he was a vampire. However, his eyes were green, and vampires don't usually wet themselves. His sword bounced off of his armor.

He looked passed the man for a moment, to get an idea of his surroundings. The air was musty, the ground was stone, a couple of feather beds… the immediate assumption that Ger-ald came up with: This was a fort, or a castle.

"Makers breath!" The man yelled

"Demon! It's a demon!" Another one yelled from behind him.

"I show up, and immediately get hit. What'd I ever do to you huh?" Ger-ald said.

"Y-you just… showed up in the middle of my swing!" The man yelled.

"Oh? Let's see what you were swinging at then." Ger-ald said, turning around.

What he saw left him somewhat shocked, and appalled. A woman kneeling and holding her child in fear. Yep.

"Oren don't look!" The woman yelled.

Eh. Ger-ald turned back towards the man. Glaring at him under his helmet.

"Well aren't you a white knight, murdering defenseless women and children. I think that I have something special for you pal." Ger-ald said.

He rose his hand at the man, and a purple light washed over him.

"What!? What is this!?" The man yelled.

"I don't mean to sound cheesy or anything… but your soul is mine." Ger-ald said.

He pulled out his dagger, and began to stab the man repeatedly in the gut. One, two, three, four, and five. Five stabs for a tasty new soul in Azura's star. He heard someone charging up behind him, and turned around to meet the foe. Before the man could even reach Ger-ald, an ice spike came from his right, and impaled the man through the throat. He fell to the floor mid run, and slid in front of the woman, and the boy named Oren. The woman screamed in terror, really annoying, but the boy just stared at the body without any expression whatsoever.

Well that's creepy.

"Oren!? Oriana!?" A man yelled, bursting through the door.

He was a man of average height, blue eyes, black hair, and a beard that looked so sharp it could cut a man. He was soon followed by an older woman with the same eyes and some of the same facial features. Family members. Well, he didn't know what the currency was in this world, but he better get a whole damned lot of it for saving these two shmucks.

"Uncle! You should have seen it! This knight stopped the bad men from hurting us!" The little boy yelled.

"John, he just came out of nowhere! I think he's a demon!" The woman yelled.

"Now, now, calling me a demon isn't very nice. I am a fuckmothering vampire, I have killed a LOT of people to get this title, and I deserve to be called such." Ger-ald said.

"Don't listen to him." Serana said stepping out of the shadows. "He gave that title to himself, and Gerald, watch the language, there is a kid here." Serana said.

"Her eyes! Look at her eyes!" The old lady yelled.

"Yes, they're shiny, big deal. Now, I just saved some of your family members, I'd say that deserves a reward. Now, I don't know if you use gold or…" Ger-ald said.

"Mother, we'll discuss this later, Oren, Oriana, get up, and let's go!" The man named John yelled.

"Yes, let's get out of here, I have a lot of exploring to do." Ger-ald said.

"And explaining!" John yelled.

"Oh, just a moment, you do want these two to be safe yes? Well I have just the trick to keep them out of harm's way." Ger-ald said, clapping his hands.

An orb of purple appeared to the left of Ger-ald, and when it dissipated, his Dremora butler, Keoth, stood in its place. Ger-ald heard a dog barking, and looked behind John. Damn, that thing was muscled, it made the wolves of Skyrim look gaunt and skinny in comparison.

"You summoned me sir? No doubt to carry more of your belongings, unless I'm wrong?" Keoth said.

"Makers Breath!" John and the old woman yelled.

The woman who was cradling the child fainted, and the child just looked transfixed by the daedra. He didn't look horrified, his eyes conveyed a feeling of wonder and excitement.

This was a screwed up kid.

He just summoned an actual demon, and he looked excited.

"Yep, you're wrong, take the broad and her kid with you to… wherever you go, and keep em' safe until I call for you again; you got it?" Ger-ald asked.

"Yes sir." Keoth said, grabbing the woman and the child by the shoulder.

"Where do you think you're taking them!? By the Maker, if you hurt them I'll kill you!" John yelled.

"Oh that's just cute! Listen kiddo, you have a long way to go if you want to be anywhere near my level. Go raid a couple of ancient ruins, find some badass weapons and armor, and learn some magic. Maybe then, you might prove more of a challenge then Sir Gutstabbington over here." Ger-ald said, pointing to the man he recently stabbed to death.

Yes! Blood was pooling around the body as soon as he said that! That'll shake this kid up a bit.

"I'm not some green behind the ears recruit! I can take you, I'm sure of it." John said.

"No, no you can't. Besides, we've got bigger problems right now. This is a castle right? Seems to me that it's under attack by a bunch of hams on legs, so let's get out of here." Ger-ald said.

"Hams on legs?" Serana asked him.

"Just roll with it Serry." Ger-ald said.

"As long as I see my grandson again, I don't care, come on, there is a servants exit in the larder."

"Exit? I haven't looted the place yet!" Ger-ald said.

"Gerald!" Serana yelled.

"Oh, sorry, I'll come back another time and loot the place, don't worry." Ger-ald told John and his mother.

They both just stared wide eyed at Ger-ald. He was used to that. Now, off to the larder, food and blood awaited!

"Off we go then!" Ger-ald yelled cheerfully.

"What an odd man…" The old lady said.

"Don't mind him, let's just go." Serana said.

The two both nodded in response.

Ger-ald stepped out of the room to see that they were in a large stone hallway. Several paintings lined the walls, pictures of the people he just saw in the other room. John, the old woman, and a few other people that he didn't know. To his left was a door that lead to fire and screams of horror. To his right was a door that was quiet. Well, the choice was obvious.

Ger-ald skipped happily to the door to the left, and was estatic to see a few dogs charging at him. They were the same as John's dog, muscly short tailed beasts. He grinned, wondering what sound they would make once he killed them.

"Gerald get back!" John yelled.

Ger-ald drew both of his swords, and when the first dog jumped up in the air to tear his throat out, he slashed at its head, disconnecting it from the body. The mutts head flew off to the right, while the body flew to the left. The two remaining dogs ran past him towards John, Serana, and the old woman.

Serana fired off an ice spike at one of the dogs, catching it in its open maw; it died instantly. John raised up his shield and held his sword outwards. When the dog jumped at him, it impaled itself on his sword.

Ger-ald exploded in hysterical laughter.

"What are you laughing about?" Serana asked him.

"Ah, it's nothing, let's just keep going, these dogs aren't going to murder themselves you know?" Ger-ald said.

"He is a demon…" He heard the old lady mumble.

"Fuck. Mothering. Vampire. Don't make me say it again you old hag." Ger-ald said.

"Don't talk to my mother that way!" John yelled.

"Watcha going to do little man? Cry to your mommy?" Ger-ald asked, exploding into more hysterical laughter.

"Don't mind him you two. He's an ass, but he'll warm on you, you'll see." Serana said.

"I doubt it." John said.

Ger-ald ran ahead of everyone else, he wasn't going to stand around and wait for them to catch up, it was killing time, and killing time is even more important than tea time. He ran into another large room where some soldiers were battling each other. Ger-ald didn't care who the 'bad guys' were, if any of them attacked him, he would attack back.

Usually, Ger-ald figured out who his enemies were by waiting to see if they would attack him. Not long after he arrived, one man charged at him with a mace. The idiot had no shield, and his armor was made of leather, this wasn't going to last very long…

Ger-ald stabbed the man through the heart, causing the soldier to cough up blood on his gauntlets. Well, the enemies here were obvious, the men that had a plant symbol on their shield seemed to be okay, but the others would all die. Ger-ald was getting… hungry.

He looked to his left to see that one of the 'good' soldiers were battling one of the enemies, and losing badly. The enemy soldier was a lot bigger than him, and his blows were staggering the smaller warrior, who was cowering behind his shield. Ger-ald made a choking motion with his hand, and brought the large enemy soldier into his grasp.

Holding the warrior by the throat, he made his way over to a corner, where he could feast without anyone seeing his face. To Ger-ald, it seemed kind of stupid to feed in the middle of a battle, but he was VERY hungry. When he reached his destination, he put the soldier on his two feet, said soldier struggling against Ger-alds vice like grip.

He felt something collide with his back, but before he could turn around to deal with the threat, he noticed that there was a large spike of ice impaled through his armpit. The man fell to the ground, blood pooling around his corpse. Speaking of blood…

The man was still struggling against him to no avail, Ger-ald put his left hand on his shoulder, and his right hand on the left side of his head. He craned the soldiers head to the right, and the faceplates on Ger-alds helmet retracted, revealing his fangs. The soldiers eyes widened in fear. Yes, that was the look that the insane vampire adored. He sunk his fangs into the man's arteries, and took a long, thirst quenching drink.

The man struggled at first, but the more blood that he lost, the less of a fight he put up, and eventually, his arms hung limp. When Ger-ald drained the last bit of blood out of the man's body, he let him go. The corpse hit the ground with a loud thud, and Ger-alds faceplates slid back into place over his mouth. This man drank a lot of mead that was for sure.

"By the Maker! What have you done to that man!?" He heard the old lady yell.

Do they not have vampires here?

"Well miss, I think it should be a good thing to inform you that I drink people." Ger-ald said, grinning.

"You… drank him? Never mind, I don't want to know, let's just get out of here!" John yelled.

What? No disgust? That's different. Disgust was one of his favorite reactions, and these people barely gave any of it to him! How disappointing.

They fought their way to the castle, slaughtering muscle dogs and enemy soldiers alike. They stopped murdering for a few minutes so John could get a family sword. Ger-ald wanted to see it for himself, the way that the old woman was going on about it made it sound like it was the best sword ever. Ger-ald wanted to see it for himself.

But… after he got a good look at the sword, he couldn't contain his disappointment. Much to the anger of grandma Cousland. Seriously, it was better than the average sword, sure, but being the criticizing blacksmith that he was, he reprimanded it. The hype that the old lady made for the sword just ruined his opinion on it when he saw that it was nowhere near the quality of his own. Not that he expected it to be, but the sword should have at least been better than it was.

They stopped to talk to a Ser Gilmore, but Ger-ald didn't really catch the whole conversation, he was busy looking through boxes and barrels. He couldn't help himself. Ger-ald had a rule, if you kill something in a place, then you have the right to loot that same place. Not that it mattered, all he found were some potatoes and a few roots he didn't recognize. What stupid loot, he never ate potatoes, and he sure as hell couldn't use these roots for alchemy. It wasn't because he didn't recognize the roots, it's because he didn't give a damn about alchemy, his spells worked just fine.

He caught a bit of the conversation, something about Gilmore sacrificing himself so they could escape. How noble. He wondered how many soldiers were banging on that gate, how many were waiting to be slaughtered like pigs. That thought made him lick his lips in anticipation. He would have stayed on with Ser Gilmore to murderate the enemy soldiers, but he really wanted to get out of this castle and see the landscape.

After that little incident, the group killed their way to the entrance of the larder. A group of soldiers stood in their way, one of them wielded a very large Warhammer, and had some pretty decent looking armor. Not a lot of chinks, but not a lot, didn't mean none at all. The other soldiers were dealt with pretty handily by the group, but Serana was having trouble with Mr. Hammertime.

He didn't think that someone could move so fast wielding a hammer that large. Serana didn't even have time to attack, all she could do was dodge. John was moving in behind Ser Hammertime, but before John could honorably stab him in the back, Hammertime caught Serana in her ribs, knocking her against the wall.

Ger-ald knew that Serana wouldn't be so easily killed by a blow like that… but he was going to do _horrible_ things to Hammertime. Oh he could imagine it now! The screams of horror that he would make! Of course, that is what would have happened had John not impaled Hammertime in the back. That sword went right through that armor, so maybe it wasn't as trashy as he originally thought.

Wait a second.

"You kill stealer!" Ger-ald yelled.

"It's not a competition, we're supposed to work together right?" John said.

"What!?" Ger-ald yelled laughing hysterically afterwards.

"Is teamwork really that much of a joke to you?" John asked.

"Yes." Ger-ald responded.

Serana got up from the ground, taking a swig of a health potion.

"That's a half assed answer Gerry. But yes John, even when he is working with someone else, he pretends that they're not there with him. We don't have time for this anyway, let's just go." Serana stated.

It was true, he preferred to work alone. No one could scold him for the way he fought. Even Serana tended to do that sometimes. There were no words or silent gestures, everyone proceeded to the larder…everyone except for Ger-ald. A short 'man' ran past the group, but Ger-ald saw the ears, and discovered that it was no man, but a mer. This elf looked so much like one of the menfolk, the only difference being his short height, and of course, pointed ears.

He chased after him, telling the group that he would catch up in a moment.

"Come back here!" Ger-ald yelled at the little elf.

Said little elf merely looked back at him and screamed in horror. His armor wasn't that scary… was it? The elf took an immediate left turn through a doorway, and Ger-ald followed suit. When he entered the room, he noticed that there were no other doors for the elf to run through except for the one Ger-ald was standing in.

He entered the room, and closed the door behind him. He summoned a frost atronach to guard the door, he hated when his conversations were interrupted. The elf was cowering behind a few boxes in the corner. He knew exactly what he was going to do to this little elf…

"Come here kid, I want some sugar." Ger-ald said.

"W-what!?" The elf yelled

"That's right, now give it to me."

"I don't have sugar to give you demon!" The elf yelled.

"Not that kind of sugar…" Ger-ald said outstretching his arms.

"No! Stay away from me!"

"You know how many people have told me no boy? I ignored all of them, I always get what I want."

The boy closed his eyes, as if expecting something horrible to happen to him. All Ger-ald wanted was a…

"Why are you hugging me? Get off!" The elf yelled in surprise.

"Oh you are so adorable!" Ger-ald yelled, pulling his cheeks.

"Stop it!"

"No, I don't wanna." Ger-ald said.

Suddenly the door burst open from behind them. What the hell was that atronach doing!?

"Gerald we have to go, Johns father… By the nine Gerald, what are you doing!?" Serana yelled.

"I wanted to give him a hug, can we keep him?" Ger-ald asked.

"You can't keep me, I'm not a pet!" The elf yelled.

"You are now!" Ger-ald yelled, picking him up by the scruff of his shirt.

"Hey let me go!"

"Not a chance kiddo, we're going on an adventure!" Ger-ald yelled.

"An adventure!? With a demon!?" The elf yelled.

"Psh, I'm not a demon." Ger-ald said.

"Wait what? You're not? But the armor…"

"I made it to look like that, Talos forbid I have a sense of style." Ger-ald said, with sarcasm lacing his voice.

"But…" The elf started.

"Butts are for pooping, what's your name?" Ger-ald asked.

"We really don't have time for this! Come on!" Serana yelled.

"It's Lock." Lock said.

"Oh yeah? Where's your brother Key huh?" Ger-ald said laughing.

"We. Need. To. Go. Now." Serana said.

"Fine, fine. Let us be off to murder and maim! After we escape this hole of course." Ger-ald said, grabbing both of them by the wrist, pulling them along.

"Wait! This is so sudden! I've barely even been out of the castle!" Lock yelled.

"You know who cares kid?" Ger-ald said, running through the larder.

"Not me!" Ger-ald yelled at the top of his lungs.

When he entered, he saw a dying man lying on the ground in a yellow garb. He had the same facial features as John, so it wasn't difficult to figure out that it was his father. Well he could cast a restoration spell on the man. He looked to the wound he was holding… that stab wound was much too deep, several organs have been ruptured, and blood was pooling around him.

"Just go pup… I love you." The old man said.

"No father, I can carry you out!" John said.

Ger-ald noticed that there was another man in the room. He was an older man, a sword and dagger were sheathed on his back. His hair was black, as was his large beard. His eyes conveyed years of experience, this man has killed hundreds, maybe even thousands of opponents in his life. This guy commanded respect from Ger-ald as a fellow mass murderer.

"No, no you can't, those wounds are too severe, I'm afraid there is nothing we can do." The bearded man said.

"Just go pup, go and become a grey warden with Duncan… and sow vengeance upon Howe." John's father said.

"But… I can't just leave the both of you here by yourselves!" John yelled.

Was his mother staying behind as well? Serana and Lock both struggled against his iron grip, but he didn't let go of their wrists. Oh right, Lock. Should he really bring him along for the ride? It was enough of a bother having Serana join in, not that he didn't mind her company, but Lock? Ger-ald doubted that he ever even lifted a sword in his life, how was he supposed to trust him to carry all his stuff? Oh well, he would burn that bridge when they came to it.

"Just go my son… please." John's mother said.

"I…will. Goodbye, I love you both, so much, and I promise to cut off Howe's head for this!" John said, turning to face Duncan. "Let's go."

"Very well, and I assume you three will be joining us as well?" Duncan asked.

"Well, considering that this castle is currently being romped by a large number of soldiers, and is on fire, yeah, I suppose we're going with you." Ger-ald said.

"Then we must make haste, follow me, I will lead us out of the castle." Duncan said.

Why wasn't this guy freaking out about his armor? Eh, questions for later. Or now.

"Why aren't you freaked out by my armor?" Ger-ald asked, running alongside Duncan.

"Armor is armor, no matter what it looks like, it boils down to one thing, metal. Why should I be scared of metal based on its shape?" Duncan asked.

"But it glows." Ger-ald said.

"I… did not notice that before now." Duncan said.

"Then I guess we have a lot of explaining to do to each other, now, it's time to get out of this hole." Ger-ald said.

"_So then, my insane homicidal nutty whack job, who is the personality controlling your body right now?"_

"_I'm known as Ger, I'm the… good one."_

"_The good one? Ha! That's a laugh, well, be off with you, it's time for me to go back to the shivering isles. They're sure to be lost without me! Or maybe they aren't lost, who knows?"_

**SECOND CHAPTER HAS BEEN THE COMPLETED, MUCH GOOD YES? SUCH AMAZE. LEAVE REVIEW OF CHAPTER, MAKE NIVLAC WRITE MORE. Ahem… anyway, if this fanfiction could have a soundtrack, what would it be?**


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